I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
