dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
