I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
