Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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