Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
