Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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