toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Vodka?
Forever.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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