i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dicks are not precious.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
