Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
