So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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