i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
