I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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