i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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