Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The Olympian is in my bed
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
