The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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