Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Found your dick twin last night
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
