Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
