i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
