hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
