my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
