i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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