So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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