He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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