So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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