Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
