new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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