Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
