The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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