You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Damn victory sex feels great
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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