Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
