So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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