I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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