i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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