just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
