just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
