but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
