She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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