ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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