I skipped work to stalk him.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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