How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
