Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
