everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
