the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm passing your future prison.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
