it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
