I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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