wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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