She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
