we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
