You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
