I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
