I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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