My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
