you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
