What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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