Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
